marriage.
that word has been in the air lately, draping its musky, coco chanel scent through the shadows and leaking its visions of pink silk faille and ridiculously overpriced chrysanthemums into every conversation.
"haven't you heard?", the regular gossips clamor, smug with the fresh news. "sally, josie, and franklin from school just got married this past weekend. mary's engagement is around the corner, and alice is due next february! isn't that wonderful?!"
i give the requisite exclamations, ask the appropriate questions, smile and laugh politely, then wonder,
wait. what?
why?
i questioned what was wrong with me, at first. what it was that i was obviously doing wrong. why it was that i couldn't even find a boy that i wanted to date when all i heard was talk of caterers and floral arrangements, rings and dresses, temple dates and eternal love.
it wasn't until a few days ago that i realized how strange all of this is. i was on the phone with an old friend, catching up. i relayed the latest gossip to her, references to marriage slipping nonchalantly in and out of the conversation, when she mentioned her sudden state of culture shock.
we are all twenty-something years old. what's the hurry? why do we all want to grow up so quickly?
i've come to a realization: i don't need to feel bad or even guilty about being single. i am not in a state to be pitied. relationships and, eventually, marriage are rewarding and fulfilling in their own rites, but so is single life. i don't need to date anyone until i find someone that i actually want to date.
and when it comes time, i'll know it's time, and it'll be right. but until then i can live without hoping or looking for it desperately, wondering if i should have a better game plan or if i should be more willing to experiment.
until then i am going to enjoy and appreciate life. just as it is.
3 comments:
I am trying to keep a healthy mindset about this whole issue. It's true that we shouldn't want to rush into the next phase of life. Think about it, what are we rushing towards? What makes next week better than this week? Why should I be bothered about where I am in life right now? Unfortunately there are many people who believe that there is a proper time for everything in life and that everyone should adhere to a specific timetable. I want to punch them in the face for causing others to worry. We are all different and things happen at different times for everyone.
Next time someone waves a sparkly diamond in your face just smile and think to yourself... "good for you, but that doesn't mean anything bad for me." Another's success in life does not mean my failure. Happy Thanksgiving. You are lovely... ;) Have a wonderful break!
I think the hypertension stems from our living at BYU and the feeling (especially those not from Utah, unlike you and I) that if we're going to find a good Mormon spouse, the best place to find one is here in Provo. But this, of course, is a lie.
lies, all lies
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